Real Life. Real People. Real Jesus. 

1. When What I Want Becomes Too Important
James 4:1–2 (ESV)
“What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have…”

Question:
Where is there conflict in one of your relationships right now, and what do you really want in that situation?

Go deeper:

• How do you typically respond when you don’t get what you want?
• What might your reaction reveal about what has become too important to you?
• How could surrendering that desire to God change the way you treat the other person?

Connection:
The conflict in Nehemiah 5 wasn’t ultimately just about money—it was about selfish desire. The sermon defines selfish desire as wanting something so much that we’re willing to use someone else to get it. One of the clearest ways to identify those desires is to pay attention to how we respond when we don’t get what we want.

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2. Letting the Spirit Change What You Want
Galatians 5:16 (ESV)
“But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.”

Question:
What would it look like to let the Holy Spirit change not only how you behave in a difficult relationship, but what you actually want?

Go deeper:

• Which fruit of the Spirit—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, or self-control—do you most need in a relationship right now?
• What selfish desire might be competing with that fruit?
• How could depending on the Spirit look different from simply trying harder to behave better?

Connection:
The sermon emphasizes that the answer to selfish desire isn’t simply trying harder to want less. It’s learning to walk by the Spirit so that He changes our desires. The Spirit produces the kind of people who are able to live together in unity.

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3. Showing People What Jesus Is Like
John 13:34–35 (ESV)
“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you… By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

Question:
Where do your relationships currently give people a good picture of Jesus—and where might they be giving people the wrong picture?

Go deeper:

• When have you seen Christians love each other in a way that made Jesus more attractive or visible?
• How might the way you handle disagreement, hurt, or conflict communicate something about Jesus to the people watching?
• What relationship in your life most needs to reflect the love of Jesus differently right now?

Connection:
The sermon teaches that our relationships are part of how God reveals His glory to the world. When we love one another as Jesus loves us, we put Jesus on display. When we gossip, tear one another down, hold grudges, or refuse reconciliation, we communicate a distorted picture of Him.
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4. Making Right What We’ve Made Wrong
Nehemiah 5:12–13 (ESV)
“Then they said, ‘We will restore these and require nothing from them. We will do as you say.’ … And the people did as they had promised.”

Question:
Where have you hurt someone or damaged a relationship where saying “I’m sorry” may not be enough—and God may be asking you to make something right?

Go deeper:

• What is the difference between feeling guilty, apologizing, and genuinely repenting?
• Is there something you need to restore, correct, confess, repay, or repair?
• What keeps us from taking responsibility for the damage our choices have caused?

Connection:
Nehemiah called the people to more than admitting they were wrong. They changed their hearts, changed their actions, and restored what they had taken. The sermon defines repentance as “a change of heart that leads us to turn from sin, change our actions, and make right what we have made wrong.”

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5. Choosing Unity This Week
Philippians 2:3–4 (ESV)
“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

Question:
What would it look like for you to choose humility and unity over getting your own way in one specific relationship this week?

Go deeper:

• Who is God bringing to mind as you think about putting someone else’s interests ahead of your own?
• Is there a selfish desire you need to surrender or something you need to repent of with that person?
• What specific conversation or action could you take this week to move that relationship toward reconciliation?

Connection:
The sermon ends with a practical challenge: read Philippians 2:1–5 every day this week and consider how to live it out in your relationships. Internal opposition is overcome when God’s people become quick to repent, make things right, and choose the interests of others over their own.

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Closing Prayer Prompt
Ask God to reveal any selfish desires creating conflict in your relationships. Invite the Holy Spirit to replace those desires with His fruit. Ask God for the humility and courage to repent where you've caused hurt, make right what you've made wrong, and help your relationships show people what Jesus is really like.

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Take-Home Challenge
Read Philippians 2:1–5 every day this week and ask God to show you how to live it out in your relationships.